Wednesday, June 5, 2013


I think it's pretty obvious that goats are smarter than cats, because Thor showed me where this was, and I knew how to use it right away.  He calls it the "magic box", but I know it's a computer.  I think that proves my point right there.

Anyway, I think I should introduce myself.  I'm the little brown doeling who was born Monday.  I haven't picked my name yet, so Milk Mama is just calling me "Brown Minerva", but that's not a very good name.  I will be sure to come up with a much better one when I finally name myself.

Maybe it's better than what she's calling my older sister, though, which is "Little Penguin Goat".  That's just bad, I think, but my sister doesn't mind.  She's too busy being a camera hog to even notice, honestly.

I think she's just showing off her jewelry, because I didn't get any.  But that's ok, because she's just black and white, and I am fancy brown.  Milk Mama says I'm "café au lait" color, but I have no idea what that is, unless it means fancy brown.  Because that's what I am, so then she'd be right.

I've only been alive one day, but I have learned so much.  First of all, I am royalty!  That was a surprise, let me tell you.  I thought I was just an ordinary, beautifully colored, doeling.  But then Goat Mama told me that she's Herd Queen, and my dad, who she met at the Drive Up Buck Service was named Little Prince, so I think that makes me at least a princess.  That's a big responsibility, isn't it?  Probably not one my sister can handle, though, since she's so busy showing herself off.  I guess I'll have to be princess for both of us.

Goat Mama has been telling us many things about the goats she rules in the goat yard across the way.  Right now, she says she's taking time off because she had us, but normally she says she has to rule with an iron hoof, because the other goats can get out of hand and she likes a certain sense of order to her day.  She says there is a time for laying outside, a time for laying inside, a time for eating grain, and time for eating hay, and a time for chewing cud.  She says that the routine has to be followed to the letter, or nothing gets done correctly.  She says she knows that without her being over in the goat yard, it's got to be chaos.  She already can see that Aunt Lilly is missing her and wanting her back, and that Stewart the loudgoat is much louder without her there to shush him. 

Goat Mama says also that we will have special privileges because we are her daughters-- we won't get T-boned by Stewart, and we shouldn't have our ears bitten by Dulcinea, because the others know not to mess with Goat Mama, the Herd Queen.  I think that sounds pretty good to me.  I like Goat Mama.  I don't like her quite as much as Milk Mama, but she at least speaks the same language as us.  Plus she's full of information, and she's got that privilege protection I was just talking about.  That makes her pretty handy.  It's just too bad she doesn't have any food on her.  That would make her the greatest.

Anyway, as I will one day maybe rule the herd, or at least rule it maybe with Goat Mama, she has been telling us all kinds of information about everyone.  This is what I know so far.
  • Aunt Lilly really isn't our aunt, or even related, but since Goat Mama and Aunt Lilly grew up together and always like to be together, it's like they are sisters, so we have to respect what Aunt Lilly tells us.  And we shouldn't talk back to her, or she will T-bone us, and she's allowed to because she's near royalty.  I guess that makes her a Duchess, or something, but no one calls her that.  Goat Mama says Milk Mama calls Aunt Lilly "Second in Command", and that's about as much of a title as she'll ever get, and it's good enough.  Goat Mama says also that there was a dark time in the way way past when Aunt Lilly was actually Herd Queen, but it didn't last because Goat Mama's horns grew back and Aunt Lilly's didn't.  It took only one smack with her head to put Aunt Lilly in second place, and there she will stay, Goat Mama says.  Goat Mama is pretty great.

  • Dulcinea bites ears, because she doesn't have any herself.  She also has no problem T-boning small kids, because she's small, but they are smaller.  Goat Mama says she's sort of a bully, but is only really bad if you come between her and Milk Mama.  Goat Mama says Dulcinea is VERY attached to Milk Mama, and still thinks that she can sit on Milk Mama's lap, which she can't really do because she's too fat.  Goat Mama also says that if you are pet a lot by Milk Mama, Dulcinea is sure to bite you or T-bone you because she is so jealous.  But then Goat Mama says none of that really applies to us, since we are royalty.  It's just F.Y.I.

  • Stewart is a buck, which pretty much says it all.  Goat Mama says that he's famous for his yodeling, which he would do all day and all night if he could because he's so in love with the sound of his own voice.  If it weren't for Goat Mama sushing him and Milk Mama yelling at him to shut up, he would never be quiet.  I have already heard Stewart the loudgoat yodeling for Goat Mama from over in the pen.  He is very loud.  Goat Mama has told him to be quiet, but he can't see her, so he yodels louder.  I think that Goat Mama has to be closer for him to pay attention.  Maybe she also has to smack him with her horn and that would help.  Goat Mama says there's going to be a lot of law to lay down when she gets back.

  • Cleo is a meat goat, which is why she's so dumb, Goat Mama says.  Goat Mama also says that since she's been with us in the birthing pen that Cleo has taken it upon herself to jump the fence, which only Cleo can do because she has all that muscle.  Goat Mama says that won't be tolerated when she gets back, and that Cleo will need a good thunking to put that out of her mind.  Goat Mama says that probably won't take much, since Cleo's mind is so small anyway, and for all of her size, she's a big wuss.  Goat Mama says we have nothing to fear from Cleo, because her good point is that she's pretty nice to kids, although she's distractible and will probably forget that we are there.  Goat Mama says the only thing we have to worry about is Cleo sitting on us, because she's also pretty clumsy.  But she's a meat goat, and that explains that too.  Everyone knows the dairy goats got all the brains.

  • Maxwell is the other buck, which would say it all, but he's still young, Goat Mama says, so he's still ok.  Goat Mama says that Maxwell loves Milk Mama and sits in her lap every chance he gets, even though Dulcinea bites his ears.  When she does that, Goat Mama says, he takes it personally and his feelings get hurt.  I guess he's a feeling goat.  He and Stewart hang out too much, Goat Mama says, so he's starting to yodel, too, even though he can't yodel the same as Stewart.  Goat Mama says that she thinks she can beat that out of him when she gets back, and then he'll be a perfect gentleman.  Goat Mama says that he's a handsome boy, and if I get to pick who my Onetruelove is, I should pick him, because he's an Alpine, and everyone knows Alpines are superior to any other breed.  That has to be so because she's Herd Queen.  Goat Mama says that me and my sister are half Alpine, so we're half superior.  She says unfortunately the other half is Nubian, like Stewart, so we're at a little deficit.  She said that Milk Mama picked out her Onetruelove for her, and he was a Nubian at the Drive Up Buck Service.  Luckily he was also royalty, but she says she never would have chosen a Nubian herself, because of the yodeling issue.  But she says that since we are girls, we're superior anyway, so that might just make up for it.

  • Cynthia is the last one in the yard, Goat Mama says, and Goat Mama says that she likes to yell shrilly when it's time to eat and sometimes at other times too.  Maybe she hangs out with Stewart too, but Goat Mama doesn't know. Goat Mama says Cynthia stays under the radar, because she is so small.  Goat Mama says she really needs a good thumping to stop her from shrilly yelling, but Cynthia's so under the radar Goat Mama hardly can see her sometimes.  Maybe it's because she's black, Goat Mama says, but she's not sure.  She is really little, so that could be why also. 

  • Milk Mama isn't one of the herd, but Goat Mama says she's like one of the herd, even though she's a humanperson.  Goat Mama says it's too bad she's a humanperson, because otherwise she's perfectly good.  Goat Mama says that Milk Mama runs the whole place so she is always very busy.  But Milk Mama doesn't run Goat Mama, that would be ridiculous.  Humanpersons are not as advanced as goats, she says.  Goat Mama says that she likes Milk Mama because Milk Mama gives her yummy things like grain and hay, and she makes sure everyone is safe and secure at night, and she also gives treats.  But she gives too many kisses, Goat Mama says. Goat Mama also says that despite that, she likes her well enough to listen to her sometimes, and she never thumps Milk Mama, out of respect.  Milk Mama has been milk mama to Dulcinea, Maxwell, Cynthia, and me and my sister, so I guess that means she's like the maid or the cook.  Anyway, Goat Mama says that we should listen to what Milk Mama says when we feel like it, but right now would be a good time not to, because Milk Mama is a bit overwhelmed with all the things going on, and Milk Mama really needs 4 more people to help her do her job, but Milk Mama is the only milk mama there is, so that's not going to happen.  Goat Mama also says that Milk Mama is worried about her because her udder is so fibrous, and Milk Mama is thinking that it's the CAE that Goat Mama has, manifesting itself.  Goat Mama said that we shouldn't get CAE because we have cow milk and colostrum from a jar, which is good and safe, but not as much fun.  Have you ever tried to butt a bottle?  Not the same.  Anyway, that seems to be why Goat Mama has no food for us, so mystery solved.  Though my sister and I haven't pestered Milk Mama too much, Goat Mama has been doing the pestering for us, dancing on the milk stand, putting her foot in the milk bucket whenever she can, complaining about the accommodations, not eating her grain unless there are special treats in it, that sort of thing.  Goat Mama says that all that pestering just shows that she wants Milk Mama to continue to be employed and not get bored.  She says that's how you show you care about your good employees.
I have a lot to learn, I know.  It's a good thing that Goat Mama likes to talk to us, or I'd have no idea what to do!  Right now I'm trying to perfect my skibbling technique, which my sister has got down cold, but I'm still working on.  I just know that when I do get it, I'll be a much better skibbler than her!!!  So ha!

I've gotta go now.  I think I have decided to pester the good Milk Mama employee by maaa-ing at her to eat, even when I'm not hungry, because I just ate.  I want her to feel like she has "job security", at least, that's what Goat Mama calls it.

Bye for now!
Brown Minerva

post signature


  1. We JUST got our first goats, five weeks ago, and though they are two wethers, this whole post suddenly makes so much sense to me, more than it would have a month ago! Laughing, and enjoying it!

  2. "she's like the maid or the cook" Buahahahaha indeed! I don't think "Milk Mama" has to worry at all about job security :)

    Thanks for this, Jocelyn, it made my day :D

  3. Mary Ann--I know, I have enjoyed reading about your boys. They are sweeties! Welcome to the sisterhood, my friend!

    Mandi--You are so welcome. I like to think, even when things are tough, that we should always be able to laugh, even just a little. :)

  4. LOL I loved this. I miss my goats. Probably won't ever have them again, so I live through all you who do have them. LOL

  5. I'm having a very rough week and so I find myself both laughing and crying at this post.....and I feel the urge to run out and check on my babies....I had not thought of them as royalty before, but I am FOR SURE the maid!! So glad that Goat Mama explained the ear biting thing...jealousy for sure. Just what I needed. yep!


I always love to hear from you. Thank you for leaving your comment here!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...