Dear Snowblower designers,
I was outside doing the snowblower two-step (one, two, spin the chute, pull the blower out of the rut), trying my damndest to do a job that the Master Snowblower would be proud of. They are big shoes to fill. When you live with someone that precise, there is just no way to do as good a job. I was only hoping to do a well enough that would prevent said Master to come home and re-do the whole thing in the dark.
Maybe I succeeded. My bet's on him coming home and doing it again in the dark anyway, just because he likes to.
Anywho, as I worked, I remembered that these machines were not built for women. They are loud, they are big, and there are forty-thousand knobs and dials on them. How many buttons do we really need, boys? Come on. On. Off. Done. See?
Though I do need instructions to start the damn thing up (yes, I really do), I can hold my own in figuring out how to follow the instructions and the operation of the thing. It's not my first time using it after all, and though I forget EVERY YEAR how to start the machine regardless of the fact I used it JUST THE YEAR BEFORE, I do remember how to make the lines and turn the chute, and not to fall in a ditch from which I cannot escape. I consider that successful using. And if I can do it, then any woman can. So why don't you think about that?
So, ok. Here's the way to do this, guys. Let's make the thing more female-friendly. Keep it whatever manly color you like--I don't care for pink, and I'd wager any woman who uses a snowblower doesn't care for it either. You can keep it loud, and you can keep it smelly, but for crap's sake, fix those levers on the handles. You have to hold them down on the left to make the snowblower drive, and you have to hold them down on the right to make the snowblower blow snow. Not complicated, but the levers are 400 feet away from the handles. No woman's hands are that big! My thumbs are killing me! And the handles themselves are massive, and I have to stretch to get all the way around them. So fix that first. Then you should get to work on making those buttons I was talking about. On. Off. See? That's all we need. You want a speed thing (and of course you do), ok. I like to get the job done quickly too. You need a crank to move the chute? I'm with you--I don't like to blow snow back over a finished area either. But really that about covers it. Throttle? Choke? What? Extra stuff! We don't know what it does, so we don't need it. Case closed.
I tell you what-- If you feel less manly about being slightly knob-less, you can paint flames on the sides of the snowsuckerupper. That will make it look way cool, and definitely manly. Or you can paint wind streaks, so it looks like it's going really fast. Or put on a fin. Or paint it hot rod red. Or add a beer-can holder. I can use a place for my coffee cup anyway. Or do all of the above, we don't care. Just work on those other things, ok? All us "girls" will appreciate it.
Thanks for your time, gentlemen. Good luck with the redesign.