Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Dumbest Toys 2011

Normally, I wouldn't write about toys here--there's nothing really to talk about with them.  They're overhyped, most of them are ridiculous and then break.  Around here, we play with Legos, Matchbox cars and the old style My Little Pony.  My husband and I like our kids playing with these, because they are "imagination" toys, where our kids can put them into situations they create.  None of it's pre-done, and the scenarios can always change.  Toy-wise, they're pretty much all my kids really like, and they play together with them, despite the fact that one is a girl and one is a boy, and they are two years and two grade levels apart.  So it's all good.

So, we really don't have a lot of exposure to the new silliness that come out.  However, I have seen some toy commercials lately that have made me say "You've got to be kidding!!!  That's a toy???  What were they thinking?".  And I'm not talking about the dangerous toys on the WATCH list, though, buyer beware there.  I'm talking about the kind of toy that makes you say "Who's the ad wizard who came up with that one??"  (quoting an old SNL episode).

On the top of my list this year as the dumbest toy I've ever seen is this thing:
Photo courtesy the Toys R' Us website

Have you seen this thing???  It's a dog.  That poops.  And farts.  Oh, holy hell.

My daughter told me about it a week or two ago.  She said she heard about a game with a pooping dog.  She said it sounded stupid.  I said there was no way there was such a thing, and she must have heard wrong.  Then I saw the commercial on TV, and lo and behold, there really is such a thing.
Again from the Toys R Us website

Now I haven't made a study of this thing, but the gist of it is you feed it this playdoh stuff and then wait for it to come out the back, where you shovel it with your shovel.  To get it to move through, it seems like you squeeze its leash and it makes lovely farting noises and somehow that moves the playdoh stuff through the dog until viola!--poop city.

What does any thinking person even say about this game?  I don't even know where to start.  The disbelief I felt when I first saw this thing was something else.  I'd love to meet the person who came up with it and ask them why they made this.  What drugs were they on at the time?  How old are they?  Is this a joke?  Are you trying to prove a point about American parents and children? 

So many questions.  We will NOT be owning one of these.  Ever.

My next candidate for the dumbest toy of the year awards is this:

Photo courtesy Amazon.com

Is there an upcoming dentist shortage that I ought to know about?  Is this why the kids are being recruited at such an early age?  Can you see your kids having fun making braces?  "Whoopie mom!  Looks like this guy needs a cleaning AND a root canal!  Guess I'll be able to buy that house in the Bahamas after all!"

Um....yeah.  Ok, that's another one that we won't be owning.

Next up---these:

Who wouldn't want one?  It's a baby vampire.  In a coffin.  Which you can customize, along with their tombstone.  They've got names that have the words "cadaver" and "gloom" in them.  So cuddly and lovable!  And you can feed it bottles of "blood".  Woo-hoo.  It's like a wish, wrapped in a dream, surrounded by cuddly balls of fluffy clouds.

We may skip that one too.

The rest of the list this year contains the following:
Thanks again for the pic, Amazon.com

Because you should always want to know what witty thing your dog is thinking as it Twitters you again and again and again and again.

Because zombie vomit is best shared among friends.  Bon Apetit!

Amazon.com again

What the hell is this thing?  A robot bunny?  I don't get it.  Happily, it's "powered by friendship", so it's got that going for it.  Which is nice.

And last but not least:
Photo from Brookstone

At least I can tell what this is.  It seems to be pretty much the same toy as the bunny-robot thing, but this one only speaks a made up language called "Penguish" and will harang you if you leave it alone, because it wants your attention.  Fun!!  Sign me up. 

I know there are probably so many more, as the American toy market this year is seemingly at the top of it's game, but I have other things to do.  However, enjoy these lovely offerings I have brought you.  Oh, and if you want to read this post with a cuddly undead friend and a bowl of zombie brains, who can blame you?  Rock on!
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  1. OMG, these are funny, stupid funny! They won't be finding a home at our house either! But I can definitely see them showing up on Letterman or Jay Leno as part of their opening skit or top ten list.

    Have a great Thanksgiving btw!


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