Why do you hate me??? I have tried and tried to make you successfully, and you continually elude me. Look, I gave your starter a view outside. Was that not good enough??
See the chickens, starter? See them? They are happy. Why aren't you?
Do I not feed you enough?
Do I not keep you warm?
Do I not speak nicely to you?
I think I do. Yet, when I turn you into bread you insist on either spreading out into a mushy mass of goo, or perform your new trick, laying in the bowl like a lump.
Why, Sourdough bread, why???
I have tried so many recipes, Sourdough bread. So, so many. I have tried 3 different starters. Still, you elude me. What is it about me you don't like?? Do you not like my kitchen? Do you not like my oven? I do I knead you too roughly? Not roughly enough?
You know what, Sourdough? I don't have to take this from you. You're nothing but bacteria after all. There are plenty of other breads in the cookbook. PLENTY. We'll see how you feel when I make them instead of you. I don't need you. HA! After I'm through making those others, maybe I'll come back to you. Maybe. Then we'll se how you feel about me. Bet you'll have changed your mind then!
Yeah, we'll see. 'Till then, Sourdough, 'till then.